someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
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