I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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