If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
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