i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I need a beard to bite.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
