Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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