ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize
