i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Randomize
