I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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