At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
