Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Randomize
