Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize
