after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
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