are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
