all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
They took my balls.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
