he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Randomize
