if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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