So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Randomize
