i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
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