honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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