why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
