i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
