Girls should come with a carfax report
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
