yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
