the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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