You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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