How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
