Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I have feelings that need drinking.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
