ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
We smell like vodka and hangover
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