Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Idk if I want to put a bra on
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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