there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
BRING THE BAGELS
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
