very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
