tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
