omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
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