tell your sister to shave her snatch
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
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