Texts From Last Night

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  (818): View more from California

  Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.

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  (818): Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished. http://tfl.nu/bnef
  Replies (1) Good night (2151) Bad night (445)
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  (630): View more from Illinois

  i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together

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  (630): i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together http://tfl.nu/1hrq
  Replies (36) Good night (6035) Bad night (1673)
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  (646): View more from New York

  Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.

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  (646): Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation. http://tfl.nu/0p0c
  Replies (6) Good night (997) Bad night (2937)
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  (970): View more from Colorado

  I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.

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  (970): I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not. http://tfl.nu/wxss
  Replies (19) Good night (7452) Bad night (922)
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  (402): View more from Nebraska

  Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...

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  (402): Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being... http://tfl.nu/xmjx
  Replies (11) Good night (3212) Bad night (1057)
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  (919): View more from North Carolina

  what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"

  (1-919): View more from North Carolina

  "bouncy castle"

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  (919): what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl" (1-919): "bouncy castle" http://tfl.nu/3vde
  Replies (6) Good night (4021) Bad night (870)
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  (334): View more from Alabama

  I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.

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  (334): I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call. http://tfl.nu/huax
  Replies (3) Good night (1226) Bad night (2130)
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  (317): View more from Indiana

  Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...

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  (317): Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ... http://tfl.nu/clq5
  Replies (6) Good night (835) Bad night (1805)
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  (914): View more from New York

  Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like

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  (914): Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like http://tfl.nu/plug
  Replies (19) Good night (910) Bad night (1905)
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  (651): View more from Minnesota

  Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea

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  (651): Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea http://tfl.nu/mdyc
  Replies (14) Good night (834) Bad night (1152)
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  (612): View more from Minnesota

  I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.

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  (612): I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms. http://tfl.nu/079r
  Replies (31) Good night (2895) Bad night (543)
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  (248): View more from Michigan

  Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.

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  (248): Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift. http://tfl.nu/gpor
  Replies (5) Good night (830) Bad night (490)
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  (805): View more from California

  Is the party worth it?

  (512): View more from Texas

  I am drink. Beer pony and singing.

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  (805): Is the party worth it? (512): I am drink. Beer pony and singing. http://tfl.nu/lz1y
  Replies (2) Good night (1058) Bad night (324)
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  (616): View more from Michigan

  i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them

  (1-616): View more from Michigan

  its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you

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  (616): i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them (1-616): its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you http://tfl.nu/jk07
  Replies (2) Good night (1024) Bad night (426)
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  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.

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  (+44): By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder. http://tfl.nu/khml
  Replies (4) Good night (546) Bad night (704)

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