You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!