Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night