the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.