I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
