i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.