You're my little dorito
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Blow job season was short but glorious.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Randomize
