dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
