jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Randomize
