When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
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