East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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