I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Also, beer. Big fan.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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