I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Randomize
