Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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