she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I want a musical about memes.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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