And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
