A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
only if we run a train.
done.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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