you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
