I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
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