just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
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It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
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