i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
