UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
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