The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize
