im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
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