So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
