His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
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Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
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I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
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