she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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