There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I have fence marks all over my body
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Randomize
