I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
