she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Randomize
