i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
