He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Randomize
