If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
