Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
it's great music for shaving your balls
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
