Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
