remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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