when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
ugly people sure do ruin things
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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