Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
