I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
