I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
