I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
